kristin has been a bad kristin
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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