just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
