who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
