I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
