after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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