Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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