Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
