Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
