Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
