i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
When did angry sex become our thing?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
