I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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