I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
