don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
