Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
