His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
