so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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