Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
