Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
