if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We were destined to go to rehab together
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize