Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
