"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We are all done wearing pants today
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
