he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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