At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
