the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
