I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
