The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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