found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I understand Curling. That high.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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