ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
