i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
