I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
