i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize