I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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