Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
