I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
