I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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