yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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