Your face is a jimmy john
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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