I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
