Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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