Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
