i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
