ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
