I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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