I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
sick fucks of a feather flock together
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
