I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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