I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Randomize
