just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
