I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
