Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
