Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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