i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
smell my finger.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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