I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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