Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
