I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
