He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
