My room smells like vodka and shame
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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