I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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