I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
