M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
