Where did you get a picture of my penis
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
