i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
