Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
