we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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