We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
