i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
