I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
