I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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