shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i've created a new STD.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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