Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
