My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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