Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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