my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize