I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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