loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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