I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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