i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
