he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
