I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
