your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
