If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
