Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
