I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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